Gimme a Little Kiss

My mom told me a story from her childhood that I think deserves to be emblazoned upon the electric pages of the interwebs. She was at Sunday School for the first time in her life, which is weird enough already, right? I mean, you walk into a classroom, and right off the bat you notice all the animal crackers you're going to eat for snack later have wise men on their backs, and up in front of everything is the whole holy cast of the very serious Bible...in felt. That's weird. So somehow my eight or nine year old mom's gotten past all of this first-time-at-Sunday-School weirdness (I'd argue, by the way, that this weirdness continues for the duration of one's time in Sunday School). The Sunday School teacher tells the class that it's time for everyone to sing a song. What?! It's a cruel god that asks a person to believe stories that are crazy enough to require the descriptive qualities of a felt-board, but to ask your minions to sing in front of strangers? Nobody does that unless the strangers are Randy Jackson, that judge with the pretty hair and the pretty outfits, and Jennifer Lopez. So when it's my mom's turn to get up in front of everyone (kudos, Mom), she starts singing this old classic, "Gimme a Little Kiss." But apparently asking for kisses isn't really kosher with the J-Man because my ma got in trouble and was hushed like an Oscar-winner who's gotten to the I-want-to-thank-my-corn-pads part of her speech. I really like that my mom did this. It makes me think we could've been great troublemakers together if we'd grown up at the same time. But a daughter who's the same age as her mother is impossible like it's impossible for a dude to live inside a whale for a while, or for water to turn into wine at the shake of a Shake Weight.

Sarah Vaughn's "Gimme a Little Kiss":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrq-MS0pZ2A&feature=related

P.S. Can we talk about that felt board picture I found? It tells me two things: Jesus digs brothers, and Jesus needs to learn to adjust to the culture at hand -- dude, get a pair of jeans and a t-shirt already.

Third World Underpants

Turns out Levi didn't like the idea of me photographing, then posting a picture of his disintegrating underpants on the World Wide Web. So I guess everyone will have to wait until next Christmas. After all, nothing says "happy holidays" like a picture of somebody else's threadbare skivvies. Sorry for the fake out -- I really think people could learn something about when to say when, and about life in general, from this particular pair of undies -- but I like my husband and don't think I could defend myself in divorce court with that argument.

Boot Lust: Part II

I've always sort of wished I had multiple pairs of feet. Vintage Boot Company is making me wish I had multiple pairs of feet AND a horsey. You know, to wear my cool boots on.

Levi's been playing this XBox game called "Red Dead Redemption" in which a sort of outlaw cowboy travels across a fake map shootin' shit, to be blunt. Although he's mostly a decent and halfway intelligent like cowboy, so there are no congressional districts in his crosshairs. That's a Sarah Palin reference (the crosshairs part, not the halfway intelligent part) who, by the way, is trying to explain her "blood libel" comment. She just wants to make sure everyone knows she never meant to get anyone's feathers all refudiated. So anyway, "Red Dead Redemption". The cowboy, John Marston, he's got a lot of leather and some cool boots and, as a result, we both kind of want to dress up like cowboys and ride horses to the bar, drink whiskey out of our hats, and rub our boots together under the table while we're cheatin' at poker.

Is That A Banana On Your Lip?

Forget the underpants museum -- Levi's growing a moustache! He says, since he's thirty and all, he'd better know what can grow out of his face. Soul patch: check. Burns: check. Sam Elliot Lhasa Apso pelt: working on it.

It would be fun to play a round of "Name That Moustache," but that would mean more work than the two of you are worth, so, for your enjoyment, I've selected photos of a few famous moustaches and posted them below.

Here you see Salvador Dali taking a dip with his moustache while trying to keep his balance on a pool noodle. I'd talk more about this photo, but look at the time -- it's melty o'clock.

This guy was able to strike dudes out just by twisting the ends of his handlebar. And that concludes this blog post's episode of Accidental Dirty Joke.

He may not have 1,299 strikeouts, and he may not be in the Baseball Hall of Fame, but Justin Bieber sure knows how to grow a marker moustache.

Every moustache photo buffet deserves a trick picture.

This one's a lot like the Bieber-stache, only it's real and it got this guy tons of chicks.

You know you've always wondered what the "m" in E = mc2 stands for.

Who knows who this guy is, or what kind of fertilizer he uses, but it looks like he'd be tough to use in a milk commercial.

Levi's Underpants

Levi has this pair of underpants that is mostly indescribable. I believe they are priceless and should be under a glass cube in an underpants museum. They're regular guy briefs, right? But they've been worn so many times that they're both transparent and down to one or two threads in what would seem to be very important places. Let me emphasize -- he took these very underpants off yesterday, implying that he still wears them. They are truly something to behold -- I even Googled "disintegrating underpants" and nothing like what I have hidden somewhere in our home even exists on the internet. Levi would like it very much if I didn't post a picture of them, but you can vote over there on the right and we'll just let the community decide.

You Say Boehner, I Say Boner

The new Speaker of the House, John Boehner, has selected a large gavel to use during House sessions. You know what they say about a guy with a big gavel -- he's got a small majority.

T-T-T-Talk of the Nation

Let me preface this by saying that I listen to NPR. I listen to NPR all the time. Like all day. And I listen really, really hard. And intelligent, thoughtful people listen to NPR, so don't judge.

But on "Talk of the Nation" today Neal Conan did a segment on stuttering and, before anything even started, I was getting excited to hear people stutter on the air in the same way I get excited to watch this "Hole in the Wall" video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sfym8MdKNNY.