Holiday Thought

If you got a Snuggie for Christmas, and if you got a Forever Lazy for Boxing Day, you could put them both on at the same time and be a Turducken of happiness.

Dogs Like Christmas, Too.

Christmas dog starts things in focus with new Christmas toy:

But he gets blurry:

Blurrier:

Until finally he's just a festive dog smudge:

Merry Christmas!

Newsletter

North Korean leader Kim Jong Il is dead. Let this be a warning to all of you who use too much hairspray in the morning.

"We are the 99 percent" has been chosen as the year's top quote. In a close second, "Get out of my way, lady, that flat screen T.V. is mine!"

The Packers' perfect season has come to an end. That's it -- I'm taking my Aaron Rodgers doll out of the manger.

The National Menorah has been lit. I guess the warm glow of Congress wasn't quite doing it.

"We Bought a Zoo" is doing okay at the box office. Michael Jackson buys a zoo and it's weird, but Matt Damon buys one and we're totally into it.

The population of the U.S. is growing at its slowest rate since 1940. It'd be even lower if it weren't for so many hot tubs in New Jersey.

Amazing. Sort of.

I happen to be really good at catching things that I've knocked off of something or dropped or by some other means clumsily moved from its intended location. You know, like, drop the soap in the shower, catch it before it hits the mildew. Slide a glass off the counter, catch it before it hits drunk Levi on the floor. Just now I knocked a shot glass (no comment) off the bar and caught it in the most amazing way -- between my knees, bitches.

But, as punishment for being so awesome, I knocked my knee on this bracket.

I'll bet God doesn't make Tim Tebow knock his knee on a bracket for accidentally doing something awesome.

Two Very Important Questions

Can a vegan eat a Venus Flytrap?

If you give a terminally ill child a gift, is it okay to give her half a diary?

Newsletter

A UFO was spotted hovering over Russian protesters. The weirdest part was it was a UFO inside of a UFO inside of a UFO inside of a UFO.

An ex Miss USA has been arrested on drunk driving charges. She totally faltered when the cop asked her to recite her plans for world peace backwards.

Christmas is getting closer. And I still haven't found the tent mom wanted to help her Occupy Wall Street with.

A suburban Detroit man said letting his 9-year-old daughter drive him around after he had been drinking was a bad idea. On a positive note, his daughter did get him to soccer practice on time.

My Christmas tree is looking good. It looks so good, it's complained to me three times already that Herman Cain's put his hand up its skirt.

A woman has left her $12 million fortune to her cat. Goodbye Fancy Feast, hello Taco Bell.

I'm in the holiday spirit. The stockings are up, the lights are shining, the no adultery pledges are signed.

A record number of Americans are unmarried. We've finally figured out that it's just as easy getting old and fat on our own.

Time magazine's person of the year is the protester. In a close second, the Forever Lazy lounge sack.

A federal safety board called for a nationwide ban on the use of cell phones and text messaging devices while driving. I guess it might be back to the good old fashioned method of seeing where you're going.

The malls are really starting to slash prices for the holidays. For instance, just today I got a parking space for less than fifty bucks.

Howard Stern will be an "America's Got Talent" judge. Howard's the only judge who won't be able to tell if he likes a contestant until she sits on his lap.

The Iraq war is over. But, of course, George W. Bush had that giant banner up on his house years ago.

Lindsay Lohan was praised by the judge during her day in court this week. It's the first time Lindsay's been praised while also wearing a shirt.