Sunday, September 23, 2012

Newsletter

A new CDC report shows that more children are swallowing small batteries. And, no, "Eat My Batteries Elmo" didn't help one bit.

A new study shows that people with purple bedrooms have the most active sex lives. Let me clarify -- people with purple bedrooms, and zero Star Wars action figures.

A 7-year old Colorado girl survived the Bubonic Plague. Another win for Flintstones vitamins.

Snooki is showing off her new baby. Hopefully soon someone will let her know that you're supposed to carry those things with the head at the top.

Dick Cheney is taking jabs at President Obama. The President's just glad Cheney's not taking shots.

A new study shows that letting babies cry for a minute is okay. Let them cry for a bit, THEN explain to them the consequences of shaking a baby.

Bob Dylan has a new album. You have to give him credit -- most old guys his age are just talking to empty chairs.

The iPhone 5 is now for sale. Goodbye Siri, hello James Earl Jones.
Some creationists are boycotting Dr. Pepper. But they'll be back just as soon as Dr. Pepper admits that, on the third day, God created corn syrup.

Mitt Romney is trying to connect with latino voters. He says he and Ann always drive around with a bag of Taco Bell strapped to the roof of their car.

A faded piece of papyrus referring to Jesus' wife has been found. You don't turn a vat of water into wine and end up going home alone.

Russia has revealed that an asteroid field in Siberia contains as much as $1 trillion in diamonds. If Vladimir Putin hasn't gone swimming bare-chested in them, I'm not interested.

Chick-fil-A has agreed to stop funding anti-gay groups. They've finally realized that even guys with excellent taste in home decorating have poor taste in chicken sandwiches.

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