Will Work For More Cardboard

Been a long time since I rapped at 'cha. But I am forced to, as I now regularly see a bum in Capitol Hill who has actual B.U.M. Equipment from 1985, and there's no not blogging about that. He's got the super cool backpack, the very chillin' letterman jacket, AND the most awesome beard with flies. I never give him money or food or anything, as I am currently of the asshole persuasion, but I do use my iPhone camera to steal his soul every now and then for the benefit of my untended blog. So this is for you, B.U.M. Equipment bum -- waste not, want fifty cents not. 

(B.U.M. jacket, B.U.M. backpack, bum beard-with-flies)

While I'm on the bums, what the fuck does this guy think he's doing? 

He is clearly very hungry for cellphone minutes. I would appreciate it if he were a tad more honest and just wrote that last part on his sign: HUNGRY FOR CELLPHONE MINUTES. I would possibly throw a dime sort of hard at that kind of candor. I would definitely throw a dime at this:

Not just because it's me and I'm totally in love with myself, but because it's clever, it's not asking for anything, and it took only slightly more effort than the favored 50 CENTS HELPS sign, which is ridiculous -- if you're going to beg, there's no asking for quantities. Unless it's twenty below and your sign says "TWO MITTENS HELP." So the bum lessons are: 

1. If you're a bum wearing B.U.M., you will be blogged about.

2. If you're a "bum" on a cellphone, you don't deserve to live.

3. If you're a "bum" on a cellphone, you make me make this face, but without the middle school teacher hair, without the viciously deep v neck, and without the obviously terrible fiction.