Things To Do With Your Extracted Teeth

First of all, know that your dentist will almost never (never, in my experience) hand your teeth over after he pulls them out -- you must ask to take bits of your body home with you in that little bag full of free tiny tubes of toothpaste and plastic vampire teeth. So ask for them, for the love of god, because they're yours and you have clever crafts to create, damn it.

When I had my wisdom teeth (you know, the smart teeth in the back of your face) pulled, I asked for them back. And boy am I glad I did because if I didn't, I wouldn't have this beauty to wear on date night.

Eat your heart out, ladies and gents -- nothing will get you more attention than a necklace full of human teeth. Try it. Take your pants off in public. Wear a human tooth necklace in public. Compare, contrast.

But don't limit your extracted teeth to jewelry. Here's a list of other things you might do with your unwanted pearlies:

- Mix them in with the M&M's on your coffee table.

- Convince your friends to give you their extracted teeth. Do this for several years. Make a bead curtain.

- Swallow them. It's not the best idea, but at least you'll have a new story to tell at parties.

- Wait until your appendix goes out. Ask for that back, too. Make a Halloween wreath.

- Put them into a casserole. Have a dinner party. Anyone who finds a tooth in their meal gets a door prize.

- Paint them like Easter eggs. Hide them around your front yard. Put a Peep in the microwave.