A Good Punch in the Face

We have an alley in back of our house. If you don't have an alley, you should get one, because that way other people can block you from getting into your garage or your driveway or the street, or, really, wherever it is you're trying to go. 

The other day a fellow had his mammoth truck parked in the middle of the alley, clogging it like a turd in a straw. He's dinking around with something in his garage, comes out, sees me waiting in my car, goes back into his garage. This causes my lips to purse and me to wait. I waited. I waited for him to come back out to see that I was still waiting, but with pursed lips this time. I guess the lips did something because he got in his car to move it. Only, he didn't just move it, he made me back up for him. He didn't pull his fucking truck over to the side a little bit so my thimble of a car could poke through. He make me back up out of his way. After he drove by, out of site (I guess to the street in front of his house), I had my house keys in my hand, out the window, ready to key his other car. But I decided that that's not what neighbors do. So later that night I fashioned his likeness into a life-size doll and scorched it in the backyard.

Then, today, Levi and I are returning from a happy hour on a motorcycle, and, lo, there's something blocking the alley. But not completely. The bike can fit through tiny gaps, so Levi goes for it, figuring that the man leaning against this truck will likely step aside as we motor by. But the dick doesn't budge, just watches us as we butter ourselves up so we can slip through the crack between him and the fence. So thanks, jackass, for stepping aside. I hope you're good at driving without brakes. 

Get an alley. Really, you're gonna love it.