Newsletter

Billionaire George Soros is getting married for the third time. She's forty, and he's 20 billion.

Kenny G has filed for divorce. Obviously his wife got tired of having the second-best perm in the house.

A man accidentally shot himself in the buttocks at a Nevada movie theater. At least he didn't shoot himself in the ten-dollar popcorn.

Augusta National has admitted its first women. They'll be officially inducted and given their green aprons in the very near future.

Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan both condemn Congressman Yoder, who went for a skinny dip in the Sea of Galilee. It gives a bad name to the Republican party when its congressmen are having fun that doesn't discriminate against women.

Lance Armstrong's titles have been stripped from him. But something tells me there's basically just one important thing you can take from a guy who's already lost a testicle to cancer.

A new Gawker report shows that Mitt Romney is hiding lots of money in offshore accounts. Not only that, but Neil Armstrong just died, and he's the only guy who knew about Mitt's stash on the moon.

Snooki has given birth to a baby boy. She can't wait until the little guy's big enough to drag mommy out of her own vomit.

Katy Perry turned down a $20 million deal to be a judge on "American Idol". American Idol's mistake was offering Katy money instead of Ring Pops and candy necklaces.

A man trying to create a Bigfoot hoax died on a Montana highway after being hit by two cars. Nothing helps disprove a Bigfoot theory like scraping a guy in a wookie suit off the road.

Mitt Romney's advisors are trying to improve his image. Please tell me they remember what happened when they added lipstick to Sarah Palin.

Ann Romney says she doesn't like using a teleprompter. Almost as much as Sarah Palin hated using a subscription to "The Washington Post".

Michele Bachmann says that President Obama's "extreme wealth" disallows him from relating to "the common man". All part of Michele's campaign to be the first woman forcefully sent to Mars.

They're still cleaning up the confetti at the GOP convention. They want to get every single piece of it since they made it out of Mitt's last ten years of tax returns.