Hand-Blown

The dirtiest post-title to date, fo sho. But don't these glasses make you want to drink stiff (hee hee) drinks in the morning?

I like a heavy glass. I like a glass that I can drop like a fortified Lego spaceship from four-stories that, when I go to retrieve it, is intact and begging for a beer to be poured. And I appreciate that these aren't perfect. Who needs to come home from a not-so-long day of work and drink an alcoholic beverage from a glass that's says "I'm just right -- my edges are absolute and parallel to your tabletop. Go ahead, measure me -- my sides are as calculated as Joan Rivers' cheekbones"? Not me. I'm either going to have to go to Crate and Barrel and buy a few of these, or I'm going to have to get married again.

Speaking of weddings, congratulations to Allyson, the winner of this season of "Bridalplasty," who recently tied the polymer knot. She was stunning, decidedly plastic, and looked great on top of the cake. A complimentary tip for all of you brides-to-be: you know you've got the wrong idea when your something blue is a bruise underneath the new hooters.