Newsletter

A Texas grandmother wants to be a Cowboys cheerleader. I don't know what's worse -- only getting $5 in a birthday card from grandma, or getting a birthday leg show from grandma.

A Fed-Ex truck ran into an Amish buggy. The buggy-driver may be at fault if police determine he was abacus-ing and driving.

Rick Santorum's getting a little cocky. You'd be cocky, too, if you just got your latest campaign speech from a burning bush.

Queen Elizabeth will open the 2012 Olympics. Her biggest concern is getting her crown to fit through the hoop of fire.

Rick Santorum is questioning President Obama's Christian values. He finds it strange that President Obama hasn't tried to convince everyone to hop into a big boat before the earth is flooded with GOP debates.

Astronaut John Glenn calls his first orbit around the earth the best day of his life. And the second best day of his life was the one when they figured out how to dehydrate an iPad.

Rick Santorum is accusing President Obama of a hidden eugenics program. Well, there is a gas chamber at the White House, but that's just to calm Joe Biden down after he eats too many Cocoa Puffs.

Mitt Romney says President Obama has "fought against religion". Not only that, but he accused the President of never looking like a car salesman.

Rick Santorum says comments he made about Satan in 2008 are no longer relevant. Yes, Rick promises he's put his Megadeth days behind him.

Rick Santorum says the U.S.'s burning of Korans was not wrong. We'll see how Rick feels when somebody burns his next set of Sears coupons.

Newt Gingrich is dropping in the polls. At this point in an American presidential election the only way Newt can save himself is by naming Twinkies as his vice president.

Spring is on the way. You can tell because Kim Kardashian's starting to talk about her dream spring divorce.

The presidential race is starting to get serious. Especially now that all of the candidates are starting to talk about how they'll solve the problem of Jennifer Lopez's nipple trying to cross the border.

Lady Gaga has a new foundation. She intends to help those who get made fun of when they show up at work or school wearing a giant egg.

It costs $850,000 to keep a U.S. soldier in Afghanistan for one year. And about 300 times that to keep a presidential candidate eating Fritos in a giant tour bus.

Mitt Romney's changing his story a little. Now he says he was born in all of the Super Tuesday states.