I hate the local news. I'm gonna go a little further -- I hate the national news. I hate mostly all news on the television. I enjoy NPR news because they do not tell me things like "we did a test and it turns out this new product won't keep those bees out of your pants when you have honey all over your ass", and "Lady Gaga did something totally and absolutely weird and you'll never believe why she has salmonella poisoning". Jeez. Come on, local news. Just because you have a windsock and a helicopter doesn't mean you need to be all up in our grills -- we don't care which way the wind is blowing, and we do not need to see an aerial view of traffic accident aftermath unless there's hair and teeth on the pavement (you'll never see this -- the hair and teeth guy has a much quicker chopper).
The local news enjoys covering "stories" that don't need to be covered. Like when some guy's Magic Eight Ball tells him the end of the world is going to be tomorrow. Heads up, local news -- the more attention you pay to Crazy Uncle Gary, the more times Crazy Uncle Gary is going to give you a noogie. That's why all of your newscasters have such awful hair.
Just F.Y.I, here are a few things that will end the world before CUG (feel free to let me know what I've missed):
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