Thursday, June 14, 2012

Newsletter

Research shows that a bad economy has a negative effect on your sex life. Because the more time you spend waiting in line for a job interview, the less time you have to spend waiting in line for sex.

An anonymous bidder is paying a record $3,456,789 to have lunch with Warren Buffett. You think that's a lot of money, you should hear what the bidder's secretary has to pay for the exact same lunch.


An Arizona mother drove with her baby on the roof of her car. It may sound terrible, but driving around with a family member on the roof of your car is the first step toward becoming a presidential candidate.


The KKK wants to adopt a mile-long stretch of highway in Georgia. They say they just want to clean up a little, but authorities are concerned they'll pick up everything but the white trash.

A Texas family claims the face of Jesus can be seen in the mold on their shower curtain. Sometimes Jesus comes back to save humanity, sometimes he comes back to remind people to use a little extra Comet in the bathroom. 

Some people are really upset by the concept of a soda ban. Just the idea of no more soda makes their diabetes hurt.


The U.S. has terminated funding for a project to develop a Pakistani Sesame Street. Things started to really go wrong with Taliban Elmo.

Snooki has moved out of the "Jersey Shore" house. When you're baby's far enough along, it's best to sleep on something other than a water bed filled with rum.

A Massachusetts man said he suffered second-degree burns from a grill after applying sunscreen aerosol spray on parts of his body. Hopefully that's taught him that the best and safest protection from the sun is A-1 sauce.

A Colorado woman was cited for a seat belt violation when the police officer who pulled her over during a routine traffic stop discovered she had removed her child from a car seat to make room for a gas can. The car seat was securing the gas, the kid was securing the handle of vodka.

A Boston teacher is catching flak for telling graduates in his commencement address that they aren't special. Although he was impressed that they were able to get that goat on top of the school.

Violent crime in the U.S. has decreased by 4%. It's not that we don't want to be violent, it's just that we can't get off of the couch. 

A homeless man in Texas will get to keep the $77,000 he found in a park earlier this year. He's already changed his cardboard sign to say "$77,000 helps".

Mitt Romney and President Obama part on a lot of issues. But at least they both agree on one thing -- the dingo took the baby.

Burger King is introducing a bacon ice cream sundae. It's the best pairing they've made in years, which gives Mitt Romney an idea for his pick for vice president.

New research shows that mammoths disappeared for a number of reasons. Ice, predators, and giant sodas.

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