Pablo Picasso's famous painting, "Woman in a Red Armchair," was vandalized at a museum in Houston. Which is causing the museum to reconsider hiring security officers with two eyes on the same side of their head.
Mitt Romney's reconsidering his run for president. The idea of having to live in just one giant house for four year gives him the chills.
The Supreme Court upheld Obamacare. Now on to bigger, more important issues -- like if socks and sandals are unconstitutional.
The Olympics aren't far away. I can tell because Bob Costas is starting to narrate my dreams.
Rapper 50 Cent was in a car accident. Thankfully, his car is equipped with automatic ho-bags.
According to a study that calculates the adult portion of the human race's collective weight, humanity is 17 million tons overweight. Which means we're only a chocolate milkshake away from cosmic fat pants.
The discovery of a double-headed sex toy mistaken for a mystical rare fungus brought national notoriety to a Chinese village this week. But let's be honest -- it probably did have a rare fungus on it.
Prince William is 30 years old. He celebrated by having someone else blow out his candles.
I can't tell what it is, but something feels different in my life today. Must've been Facebook changing my astrological sign without my permission.
Forty million stars have been mapped in a new night sky census. God pity the intern who had to count them all.
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