Urban Outfitters: what happens when ugly sofas have drunk sex

Urban Outfitters has evolved over the years. It once was a store where you could buy hip, urban-ish clothing, then it was a store where you could buy hip, uban-ish, but pretty weird clothing, and now it's a store where you can buy things that the Goodwill won't even sell. Seriously, UO is that bag of weird cardigans, stirrup pants, and curtains in the back of the Goodwill that not even homeless people or naked windows will wear.

It's quite possible that Urban Outfitters is some kind of messed-up social experiment sponsored by NBC's "Dateline". You remember when Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" host Chris Hansen would suddenly appear during what some freshly-Old Spiced pedophile thought was going to be a hot night of My Little Pony reenactments? That's what I think might happen with Urban Outfitters. People will start wearing their acid wash jean vests and poinsettia-print velour  stretch pants with some seriousness, then Chris Hansen will pop out from behind their floor mirror with a video camera and a bunch of questions you can't answer, like "Why are you wearing that?" Forcing you to flee with your leopard-print patent leather shame. 

Judging from the most recent Urban Outfitters catalog, we are nearing the end of the experiment, as its hot buffet of photographs is clearly what happens when a bunch of ugly sofas have a night of drunk sex, then throw up all over skinny people.