Newsletter

A UFO was spotted hovering over Russian protesters. The weirdest part was it was a UFO inside of a UFO inside of a UFO inside of a UFO.

An ex Miss USA has been arrested on drunk driving charges. She totally faltered when the cop asked her to recite her plans for world peace backwards.

Christmas is getting closer. And I still haven't found the tent mom wanted to help her Occupy Wall Street with.

A suburban Detroit man said letting his 9-year-old daughter drive him around after he had been drinking was a bad idea. On a positive note, his daughter did get him to soccer practice on time.

My Christmas tree is looking good. It looks so good, it's complained to me three times already that Herman Cain's put his hand up its skirt.

A woman has left her $12 million fortune to her cat. Goodbye Fancy Feast, hello Taco Bell.

I'm in the holiday spirit. The stockings are up, the lights are shining, the no adultery pledges are signed.

A record number of Americans are unmarried. We've finally figured out that it's just as easy getting old and fat on our own.

Time magazine's person of the year is the protester. In a close second, the Forever Lazy lounge sack.

A federal safety board called for a nationwide ban on the use of cell phones and text messaging devices while driving. I guess it might be back to the good old fashioned method of seeing where you're going.

The malls are really starting to slash prices for the holidays. For instance, just today I got a parking space for less than fifty bucks.

Howard Stern will be an "America's Got Talent" judge. Howard's the only judge who won't be able to tell if he likes a contestant until she sits on his lap.

The Iraq war is over. But, of course, George W. Bush had that giant banner up on his house years ago.

Lindsay Lohan was praised by the judge during her day in court this week. It's the first time Lindsay's been praised while also wearing a shirt.