It was cold enough on the mountain yesterday to merit the old neck warmer. Levi's sweet and kind, so he let me borrow his gaiter, an item that was clearly born in the eighties of dysfunctional polyester and cotton parents. It quickly became hot and damp in there, the moist blue fuzz chafing the lower half of my face, revealing to me, finally, what it'd be like to make out with Cookie Monster. In case you've forgotten, I also know what it's like to make out with the following things...
Levi:
David Letterman:
A Domestic Rouen:
I wrote/cut-and-paste and essay for the Westword's New Year's contest and won both a cheap bottle of champagne and a mystery item. If you can guess what the mystery item is, you win something off of Levi's desk. The essay's composed mostly of infamous Newsletter material, so if you receive Newsletter (and read it), my essay/collage will be very much a retrospective. But, if you go to the site, you can read pretty bad essays by other people who are either drunk, horny, or missing a cervix. Look for "Bon Voyage, 2007" (not my title) in the actual rag, or, if you're paper-training President Bush, you can find it online:
Today I stopped by a Michael's craft store, as Levi and I are gifting a framed photo of ourselves to my parents (read: "Mom") for Christmas. We plan to Photoshop a newborn into the thing. Anyway, got to a register manned by the 106 year-old crank ball who yelled across fifteen check-out counters at a younger clerk who had, earlier during my line-waiting, borrowed from the hag what appeared to be the only writing utensil in the store. Probably twenty people, all of us visibly infected with the virus of holiday retail, were waiting in various register lines, our arms heavy with plastic roses, puffy paint, gobs of yarn, and buy-one-get-one styrofoam cubes, witnessing this old lady starting shit. If you didn't already know, there's nothing like a cat fight in a thick haze of cinnamon spice potpourri to get you in the Christmas spirit.
Meggo sent me a link to a fine holiday video---a bigger, better Twelve Days of Christmas:
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