I've had this problem before, some of you know, and that culminated in an awkward, wet kiss on the Ed Sullivan stage and what I like to call a two-hundred dollar severance check. It would perhaps be keen of Alan Rickman to begin keeping an eye open for a cottage cheese-eating duck -- when the premonition arises, things are always swift, always certain. My apologies in advance.
So Levi's having to bear both his wife's fictional character slash celebrity crush and an Alan Rickman-heavy Netflix queue -- Robin Hood (Sheriff of Nottinghman), Galaxy Quest (Worf's lesser-known, purpler cousin), Dogma (pants-dropping seraphim), Sweeney Todd (Judge Turpin), Michael Collins (not Snape), Nobel Son (not Snape) -- but now I'm asking if he'll start wearing a dark wig, cape and eyeliner to bed, requests with which so far he seems reasonably less cool.
Rickman plays interesting people. Harry Potter would be mostly quidditch dust and Malfoy's pomade if it weren't for Snape. Die Hard would be nothing but Bruce Willis stank and chest hair if not for Hans Gruber. And that Family Guy scene featuring Alan Rickman's answering machine? Simply pointless if Alan Rickman hadn't called and left a message on his own answering machine. Thank you, Alan Rickman, for taking on interesting parts. They make you a better person, and they go better with your eyebrows.
Here's a fun Alan Rickman fact -- the information superhighway tells me that "two researchers, a linguist and a sound engineer, found 'the perfect [male] voice' to be a combination of Rickman's and Jeremy Irons's voices based on a sample of 50 voices." Well I'll be damned and take a good spit out the window if I ever thought of that. I think they might consider throwing James Earl Jones's baritone into the mix, but who am I? Just the girl who sat on a toilet seat warmed by James Earl Jones before the Letterman engagement. Did I ever mention that happened? Because it did. And it was awesome.
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