The Daily Hose-Down

That should be the name of whatever newsletter congressmen get. But today it's all about Thelonious' favorite hot afternoon pastime -- getting sprayed by the garden hose. Here's how it works -- it's hot out, I arrive home, I tell Thelonious to pretend he's Lindsay Lohan in a jail cell, then I say "shower time!" and he goes completely ape shit.

First, he gets terribly excited. In this instance, the anticipation causes him to momentarily evolve into a biped -- a very docile-looking velociraptor, I think -- then he very gracefully transitions into the ape shit phase.

Then he gets cranky about the hose being shut down. This is what Sarah Palin did off camera right after that uber-bitch Katie Couric got all up in her pageant bangs and asked her that super impossibly hard and terribly personal question,"What do you read?"

Then he gets dried off so that when step four rolls along, he doesn't go all black lab face on me.

Then he accepts defeat and goes all pig dog. You may think he is attempting to dry himself, but he is in fact just trying to rub all of the "No!" 's off.

Then, just to clear the tiny brain, he takes a consolation dump.