Apple Store Limbo

I hadn't known until today that Pope Benedict XVI cancelled part of Limbo. You know Limbo -- the crispy black burnt edge of hell where people go when god doesn't know what to do with them. It's like an eternal DMV waiting room, but without the out-of-order Pepsi machine and employees armed with slow computer systems and pitchforks, although that would be a nice touch. Actually, the Pope only cancelled part of Limbo -- the Limbo of Infants where unbaptized babies go if they refused to play with a Catholic priest's rattle. Catholics are weird period, but it's even weirder that they're cool with it when a disintegrating dude in a funny hat cancels parts of the eternal afterlife.

I was in the Apple store, feeling very Appley, with a mall gift card to burn and a computer without a neoprene sleeve. So I picked a sleeve out and headed to the register, only there was no register because it's the Apple store, and Apple is a progressive company. Thank god all 57 Apple employees were wearing the same t-shirt, or I wouldn't have been able to find four employees in a row who couldn't help me. The fifth guy told me if I had an iPhone I could download an App that would let me check myself out. Which, at first, sounded excitingly vain, but, at second, was just annoying. I downloaded the App, only I wanted to use this mall gift card, and my Apple account wouldn't have allowed that. At that point I was near the exit and realized I could most likely walk out of the Apple store with the sleeve without paying for it, which I really did think about doing because I was so annoyed that it was so hard to pay for something in a retail store. But I'm afraid of stealing like a white girl's afraid of stealing, so I found a guy in the shirt of the week and asked again how I could buy this thing, so he sent me to an employee who sent me toan employee who had the special card swiper, which ended this debacle, and netted me an overpriced computer sweater. I'm not the Pope, but I'd have to say maybe the Catholic team needs to have a meeting and agree that, maybe there's not an eternity where unbaptized babies go when they die, but there is most certainly an uncomfortable eternity where Apple customers go when they need a swimming suit for their computer.