***Warning: spooky-looking feet below***
My brother and I inherited many things from our father: kindness, sincerity, a 36-inch inseam, a love of old Volvos and beer (not at the same time). But also our most awkward-looking body parts. We have knobby knees and skinny legs and tiny mouths and Chief Crazy Horse noses. But I think the highlight of the genetic grab bag is our super creepy, extra bony, tentacle-toed feet. You want to humble a shoe salesman? Get a pair of these feet and go shopping for a pair of flip flops. Be sure to ask for the alien toe extension before he offers you a free pair of socks and begins to sob into his monogrammed polo. But, hey, weird feet -- I love you. Because, I don't know about my brother, but I can play Heart and Soul on the piano with my toes. And if that doesn't fill the tip jar, I take my shirt off and play Chopsticks with my third and fourth nipples.
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